An Open Heart

An Open Heart

This unprecedented year of 2020 has been tough on many levels. You have likely suffered this year in some way, physical, emotional, spiritual. I hope this note brings you hope. If you read my blog posts in January you read about a soul that was exhausted. I wish I could say that has dramatically changed but the physical challenges have been crushing and severe at times. What has changed is that God is doing a remarkable work in my heart. "For as heaven is higher than earth, so his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

The title for my first post in January was "Not the Day I Planned." Well, it seems this has been the theme for the first nine months of this year. I have been hospitalized 9 times

and had 6 surgeries. My degenerative disease (Ehlers-Danlos) is in an aggressive state right now. I have always said since the outset of this blog that I would be honest even if that makes me vulnerable. I am tired. Very tired. The difference from January's post to now is that a deep seated peace has settled in my soul. I am confident that God's plans for me go far past the physical. Maybe you are reading this today and need to hear the encouragement that God is holding you in the palm of His hand as a believer in Him. The weaker I am the harder I have to lean on God and the more I lean on Him the stronger I find Him to be!

We have just returned from an amazing RV outing. (Our last one in August after my elbow surgery turned into a challenging trip as I was hospitalized with gall bladder attacks. Steve had to park the RV in the hospital parking lot. Thankfully they had a few sites for RVs with full hookups. Just a sweet way for God to bless us while we were in crisis.) Anyway, we recently had a chance to escape to an area with rushing rivers and bordered by snow-capped mountains. I didn't know it when I packed the RV, but God was calling me to this place for a reason - to be surrounded by God's created beauty where I could literally feel the presence of God as I weeped for this difficult journey but also felt His strong embrace that gave me undeniable joy. I had a rocking chair by a babbling creek - enjoying sunrise coffees and resting in the comfort of God throughout the day. I have found a new liberating freedom these past weeks that can only come when I submit to God, even when I don't see the bigger picture. I also experienced the blessing of really good health on this last trip. God is able to transform even the very worst of circumstances for our good and His glory. He is always in control even when it seems our world is out of control.

I'm learning that suffering isn't something to try and escape. I hate feeling so weak but I want to find God in the midst of suffering and see what he wants to teach me; to show me. I

want to seize the day and make the most of each God blessed moment and squeeze out of it every ounce of opportunity of eternal investment that I can.

Lord, I need your strength, I need your courage, I need your endurance, I need your sweet smile and loving spirit to do life today. God, if healing on this earth is not to be, then show me how to live for you in this broken vessel. Pray I will be constantly aware of the love, joy, grace, and tenderness that suffering can bring to the soul as I fix my eyes and heart on Jesus.

Do I have all the answers to the "whys" of this year? No, but I don't have to. "In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for ...the Spirit himself intercedes for us." God give me fresh eyes to see the ways you want to grow me in this long season of suffering. Keep me within your love. My heart will sing your praises.

You have made a way when there was no way. And I believe I will see you do it again ...

I've ended my last posts with songs that have met me right where I struggle. This song refrain is from "So Will I"

_And as You speak_

A hundred billion galaxies are born

In the vapor of Your breath the planets form

If the stars were made to worship so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You've made

Every burning star

A signal fire of grace

If creation sings Your praises so will I ...

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord." Psalm 22:14

God, you have my open heart.

Because of His grace alone,

Lee and Steve

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Comments

James Broman:

Blessings and peace. Jim B

Jane Levin:

Thank you for sharing your heart and your hope with all of us. We love you dearly and pray for God's will in your life!

Kurt Kroschel:

Blessings from East TN. Praying you daily great intimacy with our Savior

Kimball & Elizabeth:

Thank you for sharing. You encourage many more than you'd know. I'm broken hearted for your condition, and inspired by how you love and see Jesus in this long, long storm. You are demonstrating Christ's victory to anyone watching. Also, thanks for putting a great song in my head. :). -Elizabeth Parker

Kathleen Schneider :

Hi Lee :) Thank you so much for sharing this story with me. Your grace in hard times is truly inspiring. I always wondered how you had so much energy and love in your heart. I'm so thankful that I met you. God Bless you and your husband this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sincerely, Kathleen 🙏❤🇱🇷