This is the Day

(I apologize if you received this post twice. I posted yesterday (Thursday, June 18) but became aware of several who did not get the update email notification sent from CarePages. I have talked with customer support and they are working on the problem but I don't know when you will actually get this. We are praying it gets out soon as prayer support is in great need.)

Time has run out. We urgently need your prayers. As you may know from previous posts, yesterday (June 17) was the final day for insurance coverage of the medicine ($8500/month without insurance) that has been the primary resource for controlling my debilitating headaches since incurring my head injury. I also used this powerful medication to control pain for the years leading up to my earlier brain surgery. All this to say, my body has had this chemical in its system for nearly 12 years and over that time chemical body dependence has obviously taken place. The last few weeks have been full of doctor visits, consults, and many hours of conversations with all involved in my care in attempts to develop a "workable" plan that would meet the demands placed while also providing adequate pain control. It has been a frustrating few weeks of seeing plans take shape only to fall apart soon after.

All of the parties involved (us, doctors, insurance) have not been able to formulate or agree to a plan that puts my best interest as a priority for various reasons. The doctors consulted were unwilling or unable to spend the time necessary to help us develop a plan to withdraw from the medicine under medical supervision in the hospital. (The HIGHLY recommended process for such a discontinuation of this type of medicine. My additional health issues with the autonomic neuropathy only serve to complicate the withdrawal process.) Inpatient treatment allows for IV medications to counteract the various systemic responses to discontinuation of the medication like nausea, vomiting, dehydration, muscle spasms and ease the effects of fever, chilling, and drenching sweats. Of course it also provides a sense of safety should more serious withdrawal possibilities occur such as seizures, hallucinations, and cardiac dysfunction. The other aspect is the control of the excruciating head pain that will ensue shortly following the discontinuation of meds. The inpatient process would have provided a couple of options for non-narcotic IV pain control that of course would greatly be welcomed. Unfortunately, my doctors could not decide who should do the admission, write the orders, which medicines to try, which hospital to use, on and on -- until now it is too late and we have run out of time.

Steve and I have exhausted ourselves in appointments and conversations. I know many of you are saying, just get another doctor. It is not that easy or we would have done that very thing. We did get additional doctors involved but when you are dealing with a complex, lengthy history each doctor has a different idea. We could not get a timely consensus on this one issue of the medicine denial and how to proceed further. As we have been praying throughout this process, we had also been asking Jesus to prepare us should all of "man's attempts" fail. This was the reality as yesterday came and went and now we have no choice but to move forward today trusting that we will receive the wisdom we have prayed for. As I asked the Lord how I would face today and begged for grace and wisdom, the words of Psalm 118:24 came immediately to mind:

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I thought something on perseverance, strength, etc. might be where my heart was led, but no, the Lord wanted me to first remember He is Lord, Lord over this day that He lovingly made, and my assignment is to have joy and be glad today is here! As I continue to learn to place Jesus above all things and situations, I am continually blessed with the grace needed to grow up into Christ and to increasingly surrender my will, my self-centeredness, my worldly desires, and life's path. In doing so, it has allowed me to experience freedom instead of fear. It has required a challenging, conscious decision to yield to God's transforming work in my life. I have accepted that this is God's will for me to face this challenge in such a difficult way. He promises it is for my good and I trust that truth. However, it does not mean I want to face the days ahead. I do not. I do not. I do not. They are going to be full of unrelenting side effects and incredible pain.

The psychological battle that will ensue will be tremendous. My body's desire for the chemicals it has existed on will be more than extraordinarily intense. This will be a battle that will not be won in weeks but won on an hour-to-hour basis (probably minutes at times) for days. Although I spent an enormous amount of time this past week in study and prayer trying to prepare my heart and mind should this battle have to commence, I still question whether I have the strength, courage, perseverance that will be ultimately required if

success is to be had.

I plead, Lord, take this cup from me if possible. In some ways, this is a very lonely battle because it is so hard to convey the psychological battle and the physical manifestations from the medicine withdrawal. However, I do not have to face this battle completely alone. My ever faithful, compassionate husband will of course be by my side and I am so blessed that one of my biggest prayer warriors, fan, and encourager, my mom, has flown into town bringing much needed help and support for the days ahead. We have a limited amount of medication left and will be reducing the amount significantly each day. We have already begun this process and the anticipated withdrawals have begun to set in commencing the hour-to-hour battle.

This is where I could really use your prayers. The daily reduction plan we have scheduled will deplete the medicine by June 23. The hope is that the worst of the withdrawals will have passed by this time. Additionally, since we don't have access to the IV non-narcotic pain control options, there is not a plan in place for managing my pain at this time. We are awaiting possible appointments with head injury specialists in Seattle. We are avoiding all narcotics right now in order to make a determination if any of my headaches are "rebound headaches" and also to see if any of my other symptoms attributed to the autonomic neuropathy could possibly being caused by my current medications.

Please pray fervently for God's healing hand to take the pain away. As I sit here right now, with body chills and sweat soaking through my hair, I am sooo scared my body will scream louder than the words of truth I know in my heart and mind -- that I will reach a place of physical despair that will trump the very beliefs that have taught me how to live each day with satisfaction, passion, and intentionality. Christ is the only one who can sustain me completely in the midst of this violent storm that is gathering steam on the horizon today. I pray in the midst of the storm I will see and hold to the calm and re-building that follows such physical and emotional assault. I pray my heart and mind will be guarded against the winds that will come and I will have the presence of mind to call upon the Lord in the darkest hours ahead.

If you have read this far, I am impressed with your perseverance. Could I beg of you a little more perseverance this night and ask you to commit to pray for me now and in the coming days -- maybe picking a specific hour each day you will intercede for me before the Lord over the next week as I enter this battle? (and pray also for Steve and my mom has they provide hands on care) On the eve of frightening times, I claim this scripture: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 I turn into bed this night trying to sear into my consciousness the truth that God is working within me, in His perfect will and timing, for His glory and my good.

I am reminded of how the day started: "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us

rejoice and be glad in it." This truth has not changed although the day has been hard. I pray the depths of my soul will be able to claim the incredible peace and comfort such a truth holds in the midst of the storm.

Thank you for "listening" to my rambling heart this night. We will try to make short posts in the following days to update how things are.

As always, much love --

Lee, Steve, (and Martha, Lee's mom)

Messages

Rae Jean Bettmeng

June 19, 2009, 9:25 PM You name the hour and day that you would like me to pray Lee.... I will claim this for you, Steve and your Mom. In Christ, Rae Jean Bettmeng

Kelly Wahle

June 20, 2009, 12:11 AM

Lee, I commit that I will pray at least an hour each day for you and Steve and Martha. I have been thinking of you daily and praying as well. From someone who you don't know, I send loving hugs and deep felt guttal prayers for you and yours. With God's love, Kelly Wahle

Sandy Cooper

June 20, 2009, 12:19 AM Your uncle Sandy & I will be praying for you in all the coming days GOD WILL BE WITH YOU. Love

Bob Moye

June 20, 2009, 12:54 AM Bob, Sandy, Erin, and your little Nathan will be praying!! The Moyes

Kelly Anderson

June 20, 2009, 1:00 AM I love you Lee and will continue to be praying for you and your specific requests. The Lord has been placing you on my heart regularly and prompting me to intercede on your behalf. I pray God's peace for you and your family during this trying time and have confidence that the Lord will hold you tight. God Bless, Your Friend, Kelly Anderson

carol sparks

June 20, 2009, 2:08 AM Lee, I read with heart felt compassion of your situation at this time. I will pray for you as you have requested. Much empathy is in my heart for you and your dear family. In His grace, Carol Sparks

Julie Greene

June 20, 2009, 2:44 AM We love you, our sister in Christ, and are praying for you. His grace and peace, Julie

Kimball & Elizabeth Parker

June 20, 2009, 3:55 AM Thank you for letting us share with you in this trial. Our prayers reflect our love for you and our trust in God Almighty. May He be glorified in your worship. Thank you for articulating your strength and faith. Kimball & Elizabeth

Teresa Heikes

June 20, 2009, 4:06 AM Our thoughts and prayers are always with you. Keep your faith, He does not give us more than we can handle. If we can help, please let us know. With God's Love, Mike & Teresa Heikes

Stephanie Dorsey

June 20, 2009, 6:28 AM Lee, I commit to pray for you throughout the coming days. Your faith is sooo strong, I can feel it! You and Steve together are a stronghold of Godly love and goodness!!! I

am sending you all my love and strength for the days to come. Stand firm. Love you guys, Steph Dorsey

Nancy Duthey

June 20, 2009, 11:25 AM Lee, Steve and Martha, My prayers are with all of you. Nancy Duthey (friend of your Mother)

tom hill

June 20, 2009, 4:02 PM i got you covered 11p to 12a tonight. tom3

Beverly Walton

June 20, 2009, 11:01 PM Praying that "God shall supply all your needs..." in the coming days and sustain you through this ordeal. Beverly Walton (friend of Royce)

Ashley Davis

June 20, 2009, 11:10 PM I will be praying my love. I am so sorry. Love, Ash

Charlotte Clark

June 21, 2009, 12:12 AM Lee and Steve, Charlie and I will be on our knees praying for God's blessing on you. With love, Charlotte and Charlie Clark

Melissa Marks

June 21, 2009, 3:36 AM It looks like God's timing in me getting to this site was his plan. I am so sorry to hear of the situation you find yourselves in at this time. This I am confident of....that God will give you the endurance and strength for what he has planned for you. I will pray each morning at 6:00 for you all. God I bring Lee and Steve before your throne even now. Let their heart's desire to honor you above all else be a witness to everyone involved. If it will bring honor to you, allow a miracle in Lee's body. Thank you for all the love and support you have provided for them. We love you guys and miss you!

Sandi Henry

June 22, 2009, 2:10 AM Lee, if anyone can get through this, you can because you know without a doubt that God is holding you tightly in His arms. I am praying for you now. When I wake up in the middle of

the night, I will lift you up. I pray for peace, easing of the pain, and continued strength to fight this battle. love, sandi

Royce Brooks

June 22, 2009, 2:04 PM Lee, I have been "camping" in Romans 8 as I intercede for you, especially during the wee hours of your night. Today God directed me back to Matt. 10:31 where Jesus encourages us with the reminder that not even one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the will of the Father, and then says,"Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Then I found myself back in Mark 5:25-34, the account of the woman who had suffered from constant bleeding for 12 yrs and her instantaneous healing when she touched Jesus' cloak. I found my previous notes in the margin of my Bible where I have claimed these verses over and over for you and I felt God's presence and calm assurance reminding me to trust Him and encourage you that He has not forgotten or forsaken you. You are His beautiful, precious child, and He loves you more than those of us in your earthly family can even comprehend. He is still the Great Physician and Our Strength when our human strength is gone. Rest in His arms today! I love you!! Royce

Bethany Mincey

June 22, 2009, 2:10 PM Lee, I just got this post this morning and I am praying for you right now. You, Steve and Martha have been on my mind so much these last few days and now I know why. I am praying for God to sustain you, give you strength, wrap His loving arms around you and heal your body. Love, Bethany

Nola von Neudegg

June 22, 2009, 4:04 PM Hi Lee, It's Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. and I just read your e-mail. I struggle to find the right words to say right now. Just know that I'm here and I care. I will be checking in with Steve today as well to see if there's anything I can do to help. Nola

Betsy Ramsey

June 22, 2009, 4:51 PM thanks for sharing...my guess is that as different people read this

the Lord will impress on each person a particular thing to pray for...my prayer is that you will be covered by the sufficiency of His grace. Love to you and give your mom a hug for me. Betsy